The past few weeks have been hard. I found out that my roomate Laura is moving out. She got a job in North Jersey that is a good career opportunity for her. I cant say I am angry at her for leaving, as she is entitled to do so, but I feel sad that so many times when you get close to someone, and put so much effort into a friendship, its a betrayal feeling when they move on. I think this particularly stresses me out for two reasons:
1. All my friends are moving in separate directions to persue either boyfriends, careers, or both - so it is signifying the start to the end of the "post college years" and the beginning of "real adult life".
2. The mortgage is due each month whether she is there to help pay it or not... so either need to find somone to replace her, or eat up the cost for next year. Both situations have its plusses and minuses, but ultimately I dont want a random roomate - I dont need to start over again with roomate issues like a college kid. (Might I say that ended up working out in my favor becuase I gained Rachel and lost Sharon, but usually in those random roomate instances things are more likely to go bad then good). I hope that the answer will reveal itself to me with this one in time. I just hope that Sara sticks around one more year, becuase that would make it all worse.. needing two new roomates. I guess this is a good segway to say that the roomate shift has brought about talk of moving in with Joe, something I am conifedent we are not ready for yet.... and I am not sure we will ever be.. but lets talk about Joe..
Joe is stil shuffling back and forth from Virginia. This is really starting to take a toll on "us". It has pretty much come down to this simple fact: There are two camps - Camp Joe.. and Camp Nicole..
Camp Joe and Camp Nicole rarely cease fire on eachother anymore. As a matter of fact, they fight every single day about dumb shit. The thing about distance is that it does funny things to perception. Something as simple as making plans for the weekend becomes complicated when their are 350 miles between you and the weather sucks. We tired keeping a calendar to better document plans and be on the same page, but that also has become a failure as lifes little annoyances eat up the small amounts of time that we do get a chance to spend together. Today for example, I was invited by Joes friends for both of us to attend beer fest in Atlantic city.. something that I wanted to do last year when he went but was told it was a "boys only weekend". I was excited that this year - "boys only" had turned to "boys and their significant others get drunk and have sex" weekend. So today, when asked to go by Joes friend, the answer "yes" was a no-brainer. No sooner did I get the words out when I was informed that Joe was not attending.... why you may ask??
Well here are the reasons
1. HE will just be getting back from Vegas
2. HE will be broke and doesnt want to spend money in AC
3. HE has to drive to VA the next day
4. HE doesnt want to be out late/be hung over if HE has to drive
Do you see a pattern here? It was all about him... and lately it has been. Our lives pretty much consist of me conceeding my wishes because HE has to be in VA and that stresses HIM out becuase he never gets to be HOME and when he is HOME.. HE WANTS TO BE IN JERSEY.
This situation has been indicitive of the past few weeks. Pretty much, his Virginia life trumps any feelings I have that are contrary to his grand plan. While I can see that the situation is very stressful on him as well and very tiring having to drive back... my simpathy only goes so far.
I am trying to be strong and tell myself the situation is only temporary...and that things will smooth out when he gets back.. My only concern is that DISTANCE may be an indicator of what life will be like in TIME... what I am saying is that in 30 years after we've been married forever, when my boobs sag, and his hair is gray...and things are out of the honey moon phase - is the situation now showing me a glimpse into the future? Part of me wants to think that the pressure of the long distance relationship is exaserbating personality flaws between us that you would normally see in a person with time? Is VA showing me a mirror of what the pressures of life will do to our marriage? In this case, should I run?
This morning, I woke up and proceeded over to the office to meet with the controller of the Tulsa OK office. Driving to the office, Tulsa looks a lot like Rochester, maybe a little smaller. It is one of the flattest places I have ever seen! I really enjoyed the no traffic thing, but looking around, Tulsa is EXACTLY how the mid-west is portrayed in the movies, tiny houses, little churches on the corners, people who have been born and raised in OK their whole lives. Its slower here, people talk about fishing, hunting, actually take a whole hour for lunch. Speaking of lunch....
