Nana Knows Best

As I said in my last post, this past weekend, I was home in Rochester. Everytime I am home, most of my time is spent with my parents and grandparents, as I feel I do not get enough time with them these days. This weekend, my grandma wasnt feeling all that well so my time was spent just chit-chatting with her at her house. We talked about a lot of things, but one part of the conversation really stuck out. She asked me about how things were going with Joe. I told her that he was enjoying his new place, although I was really pressing for him to move in with me, as it made the most economical and logistical sense. I also may have mentioned that I really want a sparkling rock in the near future.

My grandma has met Joe maybe twice in her life, both times briefly. But the advice she gave me regarding the situation was like she had known him for years. She said, "so your asking him to do these things and he is pushing back on you?" I replied that that was exactly waht was happening... not so much because he doenst want to do them.. but more becuase I want him to... She said "you need to make him feel like its his idea, whether it is or not. The more you act like you dont care about those things, the more eager he will be to do them." She went on to say that no one likes feeling like they are doing what they are told by someone else. If he feels like you are not focusing on it and dont really care, he will probably come around about it a whole lot faster. So stop mentioning it.

I looked at her in amazement. This happens all the time with us. Him getting a new job was my idea... in the end he did it.. and pretended he came up with it. Him moving to his own place was also something I wanted.. he did it.. just six months after I asked him to.. on his own time frame. But how did she know this? She doenst know him! Maybe thats becuase its a phenomenon as old as she is... part of the male psyche since cave man times...men want to do what they want to do when they want to do it.. END OF STORY. A woman suggesting something a man should do makes them feel controlled.  Even if said man ends up doing exactly what said woman wanted... he will pretend he did it becuase it was his idea and what he wanted.

The bottom line is I think she's right. However hard it may be to shift my focus from engagement and moving in together, I need to do it. I need to give him space and time to make the decision to move forward and approach me. He knows where I stand and what I want, and harping on it will not make him feel like he is doing it because he wants to... but because I am forcing him to. My new plan is to just wait it out. We have talked about a timeline for all of the above before, he is aware of it. Whether he makes it happen or not is up to him and him alone. I truely believe that if something is meant to be, it will be. I am done forcing the issue. I am confident that if for some reason he doenst come around I will be ok. There is a plan for each of us, and by forcing a plan that may not be in the cards, I might miss out on my true calling. Nana has been around along time, and I trust that her advice will ring true. So, lets just wait and see.